using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
