Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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