To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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