Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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