shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
jump out the window naked night went bad
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
