May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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