I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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