my soul wont recognize me after tonight
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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