do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
