You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Drunk is not a location!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
