the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
