This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
