No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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