so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
