he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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