I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
