youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Couch. On fire.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
