Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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