i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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