let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
