East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
