We won't sleep together?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
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I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
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They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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