If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
