It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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