Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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