For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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