I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
