sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
