wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize