god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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