I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
