at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
