My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
