She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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