These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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