i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
