While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
