So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
