Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
