No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
