Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
