if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
