wrigley field is MILF paradise
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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