??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
