Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
