Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
