Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
