I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
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Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
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Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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