The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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