My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
