just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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