moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Randomize
