I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
