I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
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