I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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