dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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