Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
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