Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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