You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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