I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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