Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
