I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
