Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
FUCK WHALES
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
