Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
