Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
