Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
